This morning, Edie was on fire.  A goal, 2 assists, and a bunch of ground balls.  She went into a few scrums and came out with the ball.  Just awesome.  I’m so proud of her.

Last weekend, Liz tried out for Lightning A.  She showed her stuff.  She played really well.  A goal, a pipe shot, a saved shot, a few draws and some really good plays.  Unfortunately for Liz, the “powers that be” in Catonsville had decided the A team before the tryouts.  They didn’t even watch her play.  They didn’t care.  Just so unfair and reckless.  These adults should have no business being around kids.  Just shameful.

They put Liz on a B team, which had nothing to do with her abilities.  It had to do with her father, they didn’t want me coaching.

Liz, you’re a rock star.  And your sister Edie is on your heels.

Sometimes I feel that a human beings natural desire to be liked or to be part of the in group that society says is the norm clouds their ability to make fair and rational decisions.  It is the true leaders and good men that stand up for the wronged.  True and wonderful accomplishments would never occur if hard choices weren’t made or if people just went along with the status quo.  In the end, I am a true believer, that everyone gets what they really deserve.
– Marcia Kennedy

My wife wrote something profound today.  I think she is on to something.  I hope she embraces it.  Because she is absolutely right.  And I’m inspired by my wife.

I am very torn lately.  I want to teach my kids the right lessons in sports.  And I want them to grow up and be confident in themselves, and, at the same time, exercise good sportsmanship.

Lately though some things have really puzzled me.  What is the right move?  What is the right action for me to take?

Two examples:

1 – Elizabeth tried out for Catonsville lacrosse Lightning team.  She was playing great.  One of the best through the drills.  But, when the split the teams, they said that she was a C team player.  This was not right and it was blatantly obvious.  It was also apparent that this was no accident.  There are some very mean people making the decisions that are very jealous of me.  Elizabeth was very upset, but I didn’t know what to tell her.

2 – Elizabeth and her field hockey team yesterday played in the Harvest Hockey tournament.  We had some of the best players on our team, and we could have beaten anybody.  We got stopped though in the quarterfinals.  Elizabeth Perry’s goal was not counted and we lost by one goal.  I told the kids to forget about the bad call and not complain about it.  But that is hard for kids to swallow.  Hard for me to swallow.

Chip Marshall told me recently – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change”

I went to Loyola.  The full quote:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

I struggle with the last part.

For the last three days, I’ve been in St. Louis. First time to St. Louis or Missouri in general. I visited the Gateway Arch. And I crossed the Mississippi into Illinois. St. Louis is a city that celebrates exploration and discovery. Lewis and Clark embody the spirit and the push to the West.

I was here for a conference. I gave a presentation, did well, and felt very comfortable presenting. Afterwards, a vendor approached me to do a webinar for his company. That felt good.

All in all tough, this has been an empty three days. I miss my wife. I miss my children. These trips do nothing for me anymore. I do not seek out companionship. I typically eat alone and retire early. This trip no different.

Now I’m at the airport blogging. I found myself singing an old Simon and Garfunkel tune. Homeward Bound, I wish I was. Home, where my thoughts are escaping. Home, where my music’s playing. Home, where my love lies waiting silently for me.

I’m coming home!

There are some things in life you cannot undo, or cannot unsay.  Today, I did both.  Who new that milk jugs were so explosive when slammed down on the kitchen counter.  I won’t put in writing what I said.  I’m too embarrassed to even think how low I was today.

Is there hope?

I think there is.

Some days you remember vividly.  Some days you can’t remember what you ate for lunch.  Well, I still remember ten years ago today from start to finish.  It was a great day.  The day I pledged the rest of my life to Marcia and we started to build our family.

It is amazing how much energy I had that morning.  Marcia spent the night at Joan’s so I was home alone.  I ran a bunch of errands, dogs to get beautified for pictures, pick up and deliver some of the flowers, etc.  Then off to my folks to get ready with the boys.

I remember the conversations in the back of the church with Whatley and Duke Fries.  I think George was more nervous than me (probably because he blew his load the night before).  And then Marcia arrived and we spent the rest of the evening together, in front of everyone that we knew.  It was grand.  That is the best word to describe our wedding, grand.

I remember the little things too.  11:30, giving the hotel grief because they didn’t have a room for David Kennedy.  “Call Jenny B!  Do you know how much I paid for this wedding?!”  Incidentally, the room was listed under Marcia Russo.

But I digress.  There have been many days in my life.  None have been more significant than this one.  We were young.  We did not have it all figured out.  We still don’t.  But we knew one thing.  We could do it together.  And we have.  And we continue to.  And for that I am blessed.  And for that I am secure.

And I am most certainly happy.

Our 10 year anniversary was supposed to be a return to Hawaii.  It didn’t work out that way.  But I don’t care.  We’ve got a better present…

I’m a dad.  Can’t say I’m the best dad.  Can’t say I’ve made all the right decisions.  I used to be pretty proud of the job that I do.  I am certainly proud that it is my job to do.  I love my kids.  I do what I think is best.

But sometimes, I am not sure what is best.  I am not sure that I know what I am doing.  Sometimes we have to make decisions that will affect our children’s entire lives.  And we don’t have the time to ask them what they want us to do.  It’s got to be our choice as parents.  But what do we tell them?  What do we tell our other children?

I think back on my childhood, on my parents’ decisions.  How they raised me.  What they decided for me.  Are there things they didn’t tell me about?  Are there decisions that they made for me?  Maybe that I wish they had made differently, or maybe they made the right decisions.

Now, back to me.  I need to trust my instincts more as a father.  I have made mistakes.  I have not been persistent enough sometimes with things like school, when I thought I knew what was best for my kids.  And I let people in authority roles make decisions for my kids.  I am still not happy with those decisions.

When you find out that your newborn son is probably going to need surgery, and needs to meet with specialists, you need to trust your instincts.  And that is what I’m doing.  I still don’t know that I am making the right decisions.  But, I’m trusting my instincts.  And I’m proud of my actions.

I don’t actually know if I’ll ever talk to Luke about it, but I will do all in my power for him.  He is special.  He is my son.  And he deserves the world.  I’ll do my best to give it to him.  And all our other kids.  Nothing else really matters.

I was fortunate enough to be have a rather well-rounded upbringing.  There wasn’t too much that I wanted for, especially in terms of material things.  My father was raised much differently.  His family had very little money, but his life was filled with love and family.  And he spent much of his youth on the water, the Chesapeake Bay.  His family shared a small house on a creek.  My grandfather shared the home with my grandmother’s brothers.  There were 4 families in all that used the house.  I have pictures of my grandfather building 4 separate kitchens for the house.

Anyway, my father spent all of his summers on this creek, with his siblings and cousins.  He knew a lot about the water.  When I was a child, he started a seafood business.  He called it Captain Kennedy’s.  He had 4 different boats during my childhood.  He had 3 beachfront houses in South Bethany, and owned almost 20 rental properties all told.  He did his best to teach us about the water.  We fished on the surf, learned how to run trot lines, and crab pots.

When my father lost it all, he never really got over it.  When I had kids, he was never able to teach them about the water the way that he taught us.  For the last several years, he has worked his ass off to take us, and his grandkids, to the beach.  He has spared no expense to take us to South Bethany.  But, he no longer has a boat, and hasn’t been fishing or crabbing in years.

I can’t imagine how much it has stung him that my brother’s in-laws have bought a property in South Bethany and have 2 boats.  And they have been showing my father’s grandkids about the water and crabbing.

Last week, though, if only for a moment, none of that mattered.  Captain Kennedy took us out on George’s in-laws’ pontoon boat.  He bought bait.  He bought a minnow trap.  He showed his grandkids, all of them, how to bait a trap.

With the wind in his hair, Captain Kennedy was right at home.

And it didn’t matter to any of the kids who owned the boat.  Really.  They won’t remember that detail.  But they will remember a great trip with their Pop Pop.