A situation came up in sports a little over a week ago.  My daughter played in a field hockey tournament.  I was not there.  A few of the parents were very vocal during the first game, instructing from the sideline.  They were apparently instructing my daughter as well.  After the game, within earshot of players and parents, one of these parents dressed down the coach about playing time, specifically about the playing time that my daughter received.  In the next game, my daughter played two minutes and five minutes in the following game.  Their team only has 7 or 8 players, so it was very obvious to everyone what had transpired.

I saw my daughter later that day and she was downtrodden.  I could tell that she was not playing lacrosse with the same confidence she had been playing with the previous month.  That night, we discussed the matter after the kids went to bed.  We certainly do not agree with the parental behavior, but decided to give it a few days.  On Friday, I told Marcia I would reach out to the club director.

While I was at work though, I found out that more had transpired during the week than Marcia and I realized.  Apparently, the parent wrote an email to the club director about my daughter.  I have not seen the email, but it has circulated broadly, as other people not associated with the club called Marcia and told her about it.  We asked not to see the email, but were told that it had to do with my daughter, and opinions that she should not be allowed on the team.

We texted the club director, and asked to speak.  Without having to give her any details, she texted back that she was taking care of the situation.  A few hours later, she wrote us a long email that she had dismissed a family from the club, and told us that the parent had written an unforgivable email about our daughter.  I called the club director, because this was actually the first I had heard about the email.  She didn’t call me back.

Early the next morning, there was a field hockey tournament.  And, to Marcia’s surprise, the girl was back on the team.  The club director did not talk to Marcia.  The following day was the holiday party.  At the party, the club director called a team meeting.  Marcia was all alone, and felt that all of the parents ganged up on her.  They were all defending their behavior and the girl who had been kicked off the team (who was again off the team as of the party).  Not one parent apologized for their behavior or for how it affected our 10 year old daughter.

We have principles.  And those principles dictate a safe environment for our children to grow and play sports.  There are many lessons that we want our kids to learn in sports.  Being bullied by adults is not a lesson that is appropriate for a 10 year old.

So, we are in a situation that we need to decide what to do.  We are not yet in agreement.  I think it is appropriate to remove our daughter from the environment where this occurs.  Marcia wants her to stick it out for a few more weeks.  We have not yet decided what to do.  It is further complicated by our daughter, who is not completely aware of all of the details.  She is affected negatively by the environment, but she is also using it as an excuse.