I am reading Changing the Game. In this book, one of the exercises is to envision your future child. The goal is to envision the values and the lessons that you want your child to develop as they mature into an adult. And, with this vision, it should become clearer for the parent to map out how to help their child achieve that vision. As part of this exercise, the book asks you to List the core values that you want your child to possess as an adult. I thought this would be an easy exercise. I penned Honesty and Integrity without blinking. And my mind started flowing for a while. This is a great exercise, and got me to really think about not only what my values are, but what I hope my children possess as values when they are adults.

My list is not perfect of course, and may be different than the values that my children, as they develop as independent thinkers, may choose for themselves. But here is the imperfect list that I came up with today:

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Humility
• Industriousness
• Empathy
• Self-confidence
• Selflessness
• Enthusiasm
• Determination
• Love

Honesty – Above all, I want my children to value honesty.  I want them to be true to themselves and to others.  If they are honest with their thoughts, and strive to be honest with their actions, their conscience will guide them through difficult decisions when they need to make courageous and unpopular choices.

Integrity – Integrity is how you act when you think no one is looking.  I want my children to know that it doesn’t matter who is looking.  For they will always know what they have done.  It does not matter to me what reputation my children possess.  Reputation is what others perceive you to be.  Character is who you are.  And I would like for my children to be men or women of integrity.

Humility – My grandfather was fond of the poem, ‘Gunga Din’.  Gunga Din was a water boy in the war.  A humble man.  I never want my children to think they are less than anyone else.  But I also want them never to believe that anyone else is better than them.  John Wooden had a phrase, “You’re no better than anybody else; and nobody is better than you”.  A humble person may achieve greatness, but will never make someone else feel lesser by how he acts about his achievements.

Industriousness – There is no substitute for hard work.  It is one of the cornerstones of John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success.  Everything worthwhile is difficult.  I hope for my children that they grow with an understanding of hard work.  And an understanding that they will not achieve success unless they are willing to work for it.  And that lesson applies to everything in life – their career, their marriage, their family, their athletic achievements, and their legacy.

Empathy – I want for my children to grow to be caring adults.  I want them to place great importance on the needs of others.  I want for them to understand others’ perspectives, their plights, their beliefs, and their values.  In this understanding, they will act out of empathy.  They will be able to put themselves in others’ positions, and not pass judgment.

Self-confidence – I want my children to grow into great adults.  I want them to have confidence in themselves.  I want them to trust in their beliefs.  I want them to trust their feelings.  I want them to stand up for their self-worth.  And I want them to use this inner strength and courage to stand up when they believe they should.

Selflessness – I want my children to put the needs of their spouses and their children above their own needs.  I think they will truly find joy if they give what they have in service to others.  It comes back in joy tenfold, but that is not the motivation, and won’t be the motivation of my children.

Enthusiasm – I want my children to love life.  I want them to have the courage to follow their dreams.  To have initiative, and love what they are doing.  Enthusiasm is infectious, and they will develop great leadership qualities if they learn to love their life.

Determination – I want my children to become adults that strive for greatness.  I want them to have goals.  And I want them to understand that there will be many obstacles.  They will need determination in order to overcome the many roadblocks in their path.  So many of our dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable.  –Christopher Reeve   Dreams will remain just that unless you are determined to make them come true.

Love – Above all else, I want my children to be adults who love.

A bell is not a bell until you ring it.
A song is not a song until you sing it.
Love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay;
Love isn’t love until you give it away!

 

I have made my imperfect list.  I am recording it because I will probably reflect on this later in life and realize that my values have changed.  Or maybe I will reflect and be reminded that I have strayed from the values that I hold dear.  Or maybe one day I will share this list with my children, and will have helped them to grow and believe in these same values.  At any rate, I am grateful to have had the time to reflect on these values and to pen them.