10 years later, I decided to pick up my stick again.  Can’t believe I let it sit dormant for that long.  That’s before any of the kids were born, before Marcia and I were married, before we were engaged even, last time I played was last century, hell last millenium.

It took a couple weeks to get the rust out.  I went out thinking I would play like I used to, that I still could move the way I used to.  I went out there with confidence, but was out of practice.  After a few weeks, I have let the game come to me.  Playing more off ball, I’m still cagey and smart, and get open a ton.  And guys are starting to pass me the ball.

Had a great game tonight.  Scored a couple goals.  Made some nice plays.  No mistakes really.  I was glad that Marcia and the kids got to come watch me play.

I started doing this again because I got so pissed off that I never made anything of myself.  That I never fulfilled the expectations I set for myself when I was younger.  I still have never gotten over the fact that Joe McFadden never played me in high school.  Or that I didn’t make the Under-19 national team (I deserved to be on that team).

The reality is that I never was a great athlete.  I was never the fastest.  Never the strongest.  But I was a great lacrosse player.  I know I was.  I just didn’t have the head for it.  My nerves often got the better of me.  And I took too much advice and pressure from my father, who really didn’t give good advice.

I still have nerves.  I still shit my insides out on game days.  The competition isn’t what it was.  I’m not going up against Doc Dougherty and Quint Kessinich in the goal.  These guys are no namers, many of which went to DIII schools.  But I like this pace.  I like the level of competition.  It suits my slow ass for now.  And I have a chance to redeem myself.

Sure I’m never going to have the chance to be great.  But I am enjoying playing.  And most of all, I am enjoying that Marcia and the kids get to watch me play.  I scored a goal the other night and heard Marcia cheering my name from the bleachers.  Just can’t tell you how that makes me feel.

I’m reading a book about fathers and daughters and sports.  George and Audrey got it for me for my birthday.  I hope that I do right by my kids.  I hope they don’t have the same struggles I had with sports.  Lacrosse got me pretty messed up.  At the same time, it has given me some of my best memories from my youth.

Anyway, we’re in the playoffs and won our first playoff game tonight.  We play again on Thursday.

PS – Maggie painted herself blue tonight.  We called her Smurfette while I was giving her a bath.